Mr. Splodge and the House Made of Porridge

Candleworth Splodge built a house made from porridge;
For bricks he used a mixture of flap jacks and biscuit wafers
Which were held together with a thick mixture of porridge.
It was a well-thought idea as it stood there for many years.

The roof was made of cracker bread and sealed with porridge
And it worked, as it kept the rain from dripping onto his head.
The flooring was covered with a hardened black treacle stain;
For decoration, he pasted wallpaper to the walls with golden syrup.

Mr. Splodge lived with his pet parrot, who had strange eating habits:
Carrot cake and gooseberry crumble were always on the menu.
Mr. Splodge enjoyed his porridge, morning, noon and night
And they both lived an unusual life and liked to live it their way.

Snow was forecast for the coming months and Mr. Splodge had an idea;
He took two tonnes of candyfloss that he bought from the fair.
It was an unusual idea, but he had to insulate the attic in time.
The locals thought he was crackers and for some, he had gone too far.

Candleworth Splodge was a well-known eccentric millionaire.
He knew all there was to know about porridge and its uses.
He kept samples dating back to twenty years in his chest freezer
And walked with a walking stick made from the finest porridge.

In December, the local council paid Candleworth Splodge a visit.
They inspected his house inside and out and couldn’t stop laughing
But then he was ordered to dismantle his house within one month.
He refused and was jailed, and he is now doing porridge for real.

Candleworth Splodge the well-known eccentric porridge man;
Now in his prison cell, he builds aeroplanes and boats from Airfix
With matchsticks and porridge he receives from his breakfast,
Although his new idea is to build a new house made from Weetabix…

Copyright  © 2021 Daniel Divine

The story of Mr Splodge & the House made of Porridge